


Saturn

by Starsfallinglikerain



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternative Universe - Soulmates, Angst, F/M, Heartbreaking, I don't even know if I should be proud or ashamed of myself, I'm so messy at tagging things, I'm sorry Magnus, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Please don't blame me, Romantic Angst, Romantic Soulmates, SO SAD, Soulmates, The mortal instruments - post 2x06, This Is Sad, broken-hearted Magnus, could it think heart would stop beating, i don't even know why i wrote this, lonely Magnus, soulmates!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 14:24:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11969256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starsfallinglikerain/pseuds/Starsfallinglikerain
Summary: "Alexander Lightwood had been the love of his life. And no one could ever change that."_________________In a world where you dream every night the last words you'll ever hear from your soulmate, Magnus constantly struggles not to think much of it. Until Alexander says those poetic and heartbreaking words and all his universe crashes down.A not-very-long Malec Soulmates!AU where you don't recognise your soulmate until you've lost them.





	Saturn

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! ^^  
> It's been a while since I posted something here and I have to admit I'm a bit thrilled about this story. It's the first one I've ever thought in English: I usually write in my mothertongue and then translate into English, so I don't know what to think about it. I apologise in advance for potential mistakes.   
> Please let me know in the comments below if you enjoyed or leave kudos and feel free to give me any suggestion to improve it or any incisive comment as well. Kudos to you if you spot all the quotes from the show.  
> Also, the title refers to the song Saturn by Sleeping at Last: if I may give you some advice, read this while listening to it.  
> Here it is, enjoy!   
> Starsfallinglikerain. 
> 
>  
> 
> You can also find me on:   
> Twitter: @imalilunsteady   
> Tumblr: starsarefallinglikerain

 

 

_**Saturn** _

 

 

Alexander Lightwood was many things.                 
When they first met, Magnus did not think that the stunning man standing in front of him, stuttering, barely capable of saying his own name, would have become his soulmate. Actually, the thought of a Shadowhunter being his soulmate was pretty ridiculous: he was four hundred years old and, as long as he was a sentient being, he knew for sure that a Nephilim would never begin a relationship with a Downworlder, with a warlock, an half-demon-being.                   
Shadowhunters were too arrogant and pure to mingle with Downworlders. Yet, the feeling he got when he saw Alexander Lightwood was different: it was as if Alexander looked at him as a person, not as a warlock, and it was not something happening that often.                   
Magnus had had many lovers in his long life: people he cared about, people he used to love, people he  _lost_.   
He was scared about it, wasn't he? But he couldn't help falling in love, and caring, and being compassionate, though the concern about his soulmate's last words had been haunting him since he could possibly remember.      
He had been living with that fear for years, but then he had fallen in love for the first time. She was a blonde girl he had met at a party. He saw her from across the room and instantly knew she was going to be important for him: she had a smile that lighted up the world and grace was all over her heart. But then she was told by her parents she was going to marry her father's head's son and his heart broke for the first time.  She didn't tell him the words he thought she would have, and yet he was devastated.  
He didn't believe that a pain so strong, powerful and intense could be felt without going insane and if he felt like that and she wasn't even his soulmate, how was he supposed to bear such a destroying feeling? He swore to himself that he would never allow himself to fall in love again. But then years passed, the heartbreaking pain became lukewarm and he travelled, he moved all around the world, he met girls and boys, he had affairs and lovers and he let love come into his life once again.      
He suffered and moved on when things fucked up, every time blaming himself for not being capable of not caring and loving. He had always been kind of schmaltzy, but he never thought love was such a strong and magnetic force.            
Then he met Camille. London was grey, tedious and monotone, at least it was until he met her. That vampire girl with long dark hair, olive-coloured skin and royal posture. She acted like as if she had plenty of time — and indeed she had. But yet she was alive in death, she enjoyed balls and enlightened things with her mere presence: somehow she reminded him of the first girl he ever loved, but it felt different. He truly loved her and he was extremely convinced that she was going to tell him those words he dreamt of every night, those tremendous and idyllic words cradling his sleep and dreams since the day he was born.   
But Camille didn't love him. He soon learnt that Camille Belcourt only loved herself, no matter what. She was never going to care about him as much as she cared about herself, or at least that's what she told him before she left.              
He felt lost. He had opened up his heart once again and now it was broken down in pieces. She wasn't his soulmate, that he knew, but it hurt like hell in the same way. He left London, hoping to leave his love for Camille behind. He was here and there, without a place to go. He decided to visit places he had never seen, have fun and parties but he soon realized he missed home: unfortunately, he had not a place to call home. He spent some months with his friends Ragnor and Catarina, who tried to convince him that he would find his own soulmate sooner or later, that it was going to be something so beautiful and beyond words and imagination that he would not even remember how life felt before them. That  _that someone_  was going to come along and tear down the walls he had build around his heart, that he would be terrified about that but couldn't help it. It was going to be surprising and natural and magical, as a flower blooming in the snow, and he had to do everything in his power to fight for it.         
And true it was. Alexander Gideon Lightwood barged into his life like a hurricane, unexpected and disastrous, but oh, devastatingly handsome.         
He was the first Shadowhunter Magnus ever thought of in a romantic way. He was the first one to tear down those walls around his soul, unlocking something in him. He was the first one who made him feel happy and grateful only with a smile on his lips.         
Actually, he was the first one he kissed even before having a date, omitting his long list of flirtationships. Their date was then pretty disastrous, but Alec did not care about all the people he had been with; he knew that Magnus had had plenty of experience during his long life, he understood and respected it, but he knew that Magnus was in love with  _him_ , no matter all the seventeen thousands lovers of his previous life.          
Magnus loved him,  _here and now_ , and that was all that mattered.          
It was all so spontaneous and painless, falling in love with Alec.                 
But then it happened. Magnus did not see that coming. He truly did not. If he could have prevented that somehow, he certainly would have, but he guessed that sometimes bad things just happen and you can only watch them inexorably happen.              
It was a lovely night. Stars shined bright in the dark sky and the air was filled with spring perfumes: grass getting bright green, buds becoming flowers, nature coming back to life. It was not a night Magnus would waste hunting demons with his boyfriend, but a mundane had been attacked and turned into a Forsaken, so Magnus had been summoned to regionalise the area and prevent the Forsaken and the demons possibly present there to cross his magical wall. The group had split up, he was following Alexander, while Izzy went with Jace.                 
It was all so rushed that he didn't even remember what happened properly well. He only knew they were under attack, a horde of demons was assaulting them out of the blue, the air all of a sudden filled with magic and arrows hissing when they left Alec's bow.          
He had just had a demon explode in black and sticking ichor when a heartbreaking shout made him feel like his chest had been ripped up. He turned and all he saw was Alexander lying on the ground, while his crimson blood was rapidly abandoning his body. Magnus did not think: he killed the demon which dared hurting Alec and he kneeled down, lifting Alec's head up and tightening him against his own chest. His skin was still warm, but pale, and his blood on the earth looked like a disquieting mirror under the moonlight.   
«Alexander...» he murmured, while he caressing his face and moving away a black lock of hair from his forehead, as he often did.             
«I —I lov— I love you...».             
 _«You're not going anywhere, you reckless Shadowhunter»_.        
 _«It's been an honour to even exist around you, High Warlock»_.                 
It had been said. Alec closed his eyes, a little phantom of a grin was still impressed on his pinkish lips.  
Alexander Lightwood had been the love of his life. And no one could ever change that.               
The pain he felt growing in his chest was nothing comparable to what he had felt before. While closing his eyes, with tears running down his cheeks, and Alec's head still pressed against his chest, Magnus could do nothing but think that could it think, his heart would stop beating.

 

 

_With shortness of breath I'll explain the infinite  
How rare it truly is that we exist  
_— Sleeping at Last,  _Saturn_


End file.
